I ironically came online to write about a comedy event I went to last weekend. Share pictures, tell a brief story and be done. However, as I looked at the dashboard of my blog, I found another blog which had linked to here. It’s a nameless blog. A blog in which they can share there thoughts, hopes and fears without judgement or the feeling of being known.
Why do I mention this?! well, below I share sections from one of their most recent posts. I don’t know whether to link the blog or not as its someone very close to me. They may not want or be ready for it to be there for more to see.
Long story short, I am happy and bubbly yet was one who for years suffered from depression, which I spoke of before. I was terrified last November to share those words, yet if those with stories don’t speak out, how will those who suffer still hold onto hope.
These were their words;
“I started this blog as an outlet for all of the things I wish I’d said throughout my lifetime. I am not telling anybody it. I am not going to like it on Facebook. It will simply exist out there for people to find, or not. You do not have to like it. Read it once and never again, but remember to try and let the people around you in. I can’t and sometimes my silence frustrates me so much I want to scream, yet on the outside I’m smiling.
Today I wish I knew why people still can’t have difficult conversations about the real things in life. We all get stressed out, want to cry, feel sad, feel anxious. But there are so many people who feel too anxious to breathe, who don’t want to get out of bed and who can’t talk about it openly. I am one of these people. I suffer from depression and never have spoken openly about it because I can’t. It feels shameful and is viewed in such a way that still isn’t quite accepted.
I don’t look sick, but only because when I step outside the door I do my very best to appear normal. If they saw me on the weeks when I can’t get out bed, or eat, or shower they would think very differently. If the saw the girl 2 years ago who had just been diagnosed and was sitting in psychotherapy unable to speak and staring at the floor, they would change their minds.
I want to change how we communicate with each other. I want to change the world for that child that feels they want to crawl out of their own skin. I want to make a change for those other students who also feel like they are lost.”
I read this and was in awe over how accurate such thoughts are. How getting up and living life seems like such an incredibly daunting task. How telling a soul seems like shouting it to the entire world, to be left vulnerable, weak and there to be stared at. Telling loved ones is terrifying because all that’s wondered over and over again is ‘what will they think of me now?’. Telling one person is not telling the world however. Yes now I have a blog the world can see, but back then it was just a small few souls who knew my secret. They didn’t judge me but helped me, more then words can ever say.
Like I said, those words are from someone very close to me. So just think, this person could be someone very close to you too. If not the writer of that blog, someone else with a secret they don’t feel they can share. It could be your best friend who you talk to every day. This person may smile and laugh all the time yet be crying inside. It shows how opening up to others can allow them to open up to you.
Ever since my last deep post I have gotten such amazing messages from people telling me how they’ve had friends, family or even themselves suffer from depression and related mental states. I say this because mental illnesses are actually so much more common then people seem to believe. Every single person knows someone, if not themselves, who suffer from a mental health issue. I actually can’t stress enough how much we are not alone.
So again here I am, handing more of my heart and soul out into the world. Truly inspired by my friend who also wants to fight the stigma and change the world. Ill share with you that every now and again I still do go into the student counselling service. I think it’s good to talk about all those little things in life we rarely face. For example how we are. Genuinely, how we are. I find its grounding to sit in a chair and talk to someone you don’t really know. Especially when it’s there job to really listen, advise and keep you standing strong. Like a palm tree that blows in the wind. If we have a doctor for everything else, why not for the most important part, our head, heart and soul.
I found a blog entry earlier today from a fashion blogger I found to be extremely inspiring. I myself never marked or cut my skin but have known others who’ve done so which is why I share ‘this post‘ for those who’d like to read it. Her thoughts are solid and words are strong.
So I’ll end this post now and not rant on forever. With this post I simply want to inspire my friend who feels ashamed to speak out. I want them to show someone they love that blog as I’m sure it would help so much. You’re not alone in this world, never forget that.
Until next time,
Chloë -The girl with the [Train Tattoo] ;)